1. This just in from Akron……..Ted Kennedy has been sober for 12 hours. More to follow.
2. How did people find out Ted was dead? He didn’t show up to the bar this morning!!
3. Ted Kennedy is a shovel ready project.
4. Saint Peter: “I don’t care how drunk you were, Ted, it’s still murder!”
5. Ted Kennedy died and it’s George Bush’s fault. Obama will address that in his next speech.
6. Thank goodness Kennedy died so we can focus on something other than Obama’s performance. If we are lucky we can focus on Pelosi, Feinstein, and Schumer too.
7. Is this God’s way of taking away the democrats filibuster proof Senate?
8. What’s black, white and hungry? Ted Kennedy’s cat.
9. Kennedy was so full of himself he floated. So full of #### he’s dead
10. Is there life after death? Don’t ask Ted Kennedy, because he has been responsible for three.
11. If Ted Kennedy is to be buried in Martha’s Vineyard, the island will sink below sea level.
12. They have named a drink after Ted Kennedy. It’s called the Chappaquiddick. It’s made by mixing Gin and murky water.
13. Much like his brother, Ted Kennedy will also have an eternal flame in Arlington Cemetery, but for his they are just going to strike a match to his liver.
14. ok, Ted is dead, its all just water under the bridge now.
15. Ted also had a plan to stimulate the Auto industry but his was called cash for kerplunkers.
16. Ted Kennedy never became president because unlike George Washington, he couldn’t cross a river.
17. Teds’ friends say he wasn’t much of a golfer because he always ended up in the water hazard.
18. During the battle in Nasaria, the Marines called up Kennedy because he had experience with crossing a bridge while being bombed.
19. With news of Ted’s death, the Massachusetts liquor industry is now going to need a bailout.
20. For the funeral apparently the Dead Kennedys will be performing.
21. Ted Kennedy is now eligible to vote in Chicago.
