Tag: Weekly World News

Amusing

Asian Women On How To Catch A Man And Keep Him Happy.

For generations Asian women learned how to treat a man by following rules laid down by Thai philosopher Sunthron Phu in his book Maxims for Teaching Women. Now they’ve taken his words of wisdom that have been passed down fro more than 2,000 years and updated them to deal with men in 2012.

Here are the winning recommendations for Western women who want to trade be successful in love and marriage:

1) YOUR MAN IS KING – Remember that your man/husband comes first – before you, your parents, your outside interests or even your children.

2) RISE EARLY. Get up in the morning before your man does. Make sure you prepare a healthy breakfast so he gets a good stare on the day. Even if you have to leave before him, make sure he has a nice breakfast waiting for him when he comes into the kitchen in the morning.

3) NEVER NAG. Never, ever. If he wants to stop off after work and have a few drinks with his buddies, that’s his business. If he forgot to take out the garbage – do it yourself.

4) BE AT HOME. Make sure you’re always at home when he gets in from a hard day at the office. Even if you are working, make sure you get home to your man/husband as soon as possible.

5) SMILE. Always greet your man with a smile on your face and, if you can, a cold drink in your hand.

6) DINNER READY. If you are home, or get home first, always have a delicious dinner ready to be served. And if he comes home feeling tense, give him a massage to ease his aches and pains.

7) LET HIM HANG WITH FRIENDS. If your man wants to have his buddies over for a night of poker, or football, or video games, don’t get mad. Encourage it and make sure you’ve got lots of sandwiches and cold beer on hand to serve them.

8) ASK FIRST. Always ask him first before you go spending his hard-earned money, or even your hard-earned money, to buy something for yourself.

9) REMOTE CONTROL. Let him choose the programs you watch on televeision. The television is man’s domain… he should be in charge. And only Netflix/rent HIS favorite movies.

10) OBEY. Don’t do things your husband doesn’t approve of. And don’t complain about it. If he doesn’t want you wasting your time watching soap operas or having coffee with a neighbor, obey him. You’ll both be happier for it.

11) WILD IN BED. Be a temptress in bed. I he likes you in sexy lingerie, wear it. Be shy and demure when you’re out in public, but once the lights are out, let him know he’s the only man in the world who can please you.

12) KNOW SPORTS. Bone up on sports so you’ll have something to talk about. But always let him start the conversation.

13) KEEP FIT. Keep yourself in shape and always dress nicely so you’ll be a wife any husband would be proud to have.

14) CLEANING. Keep your home spic and span at all times. It should look like you’re expecting company. And the laundry should always be done. Your man should never have to look for clean socks or underwear and his shirts should all be ironed – by you.

Follow ALL these steps and you will be happy for the rest of your life!

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Amusing

Ireland Wants to be the 51st State

Enjoy!

Amid growing a growing financial crisis, Ireland’s Prime Minister has asked the U.S. to make Ireland the 51st state.

Ireland is in the midst of a major financial crisis that is causing panic on global stock markets. Many think that Ireland, like Greece, will ask the EU to bail them out.

But WWN has learned that Ireland has had it with the European Union and has made a request to the Obama Administration to fast-track Ireland and it’s application for U.S. statehood.

Ireland would be the first state added to the United States since Hawaii became a state on August 21, 1959. The Obama Administration and Congress are putting the Irish request at the top of the lame-duck agenda. “I think we can get it done,” said President Obama, who is of Irish ancestry.

Ireland is on the brink of insolvency, which has helped drive down the S&P 500 stock index by nearly 4 percent over the last few days.

Ireland has one huge problem that has caused it to consider becoming an American state: a failed banking sector that Ireland’s government can no longer rescue on its own.

Ireland is in the midst of a real estate bust that could trump even the ruinous downturns that turned parts of southern California and Nevada into suburban ghost towns, with home-grown banks stoking it all. Now, those banks are trying to manage catastrophic losses. The Irish government has effectively nationalized the nation’s biggest banks by guaranteeing their debt, which would be akin to the U.S. government taking over Citigroup, Bank of America, J.P. Morgan Chase and Wells Fargo.

“If the Irish banks go down, the Irish government also goes down,” says economist Jacob Kirkegaard of the Peterson Institute for International Economics. “They have no choice but to ask either the EU or America for help. Most Irish citizens would rather become part of the U.S. than be beholden to the E.U.”

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Amusing

Good Riddance Ted Kennedy

Ed Anger’s classic eulogy of Ted Kennedy.

Ditto Ed Anger… ditto!

I’m happier than a Labrador Retriever at a wading pool!

After all these years, Ted Kennedy is finally dead! Yahoo!! It took him long enough – even in a nation full of gun-toting crazies, nobody thought Ted mattered enough to shoot.

What a shame, because before he finally died, Ted Kennedy managed to screw up everything he touched. It was bad enough he only got into Harvard because his smarter brothers went there, and their bootlegger father was rich. And everybody knows Ted Kennedy let a young lady die after he crashed a car off a bridge and left her to drown.

He also stuck up for the Commies and smeared guys who were a hundred times smarter and better than him, like that Bork and Clarence Thomas.

Imagine a guy who had to cheat his way through law school getting to decide who sits on the Supreme Court, and even calling one of them a pervert and another one a racist!?

But that’s not the worst of it. Nope, it is all the idiots who kept electing Ted Kennedy time and time again.

I love America, but it’s Americans I can’t stand. And that’s one reason why. How stupid do you have to be to keep voting for this fat, drunk, overrated commie blowhard just because of his famous last name?

I hear though that the news ratings are in the tank with all this Kennedy news, and the only person whose show is getting more watchers is… Glenn Beck! Ha Ha!

It’s enough to make me wish a bunch of stupid hippies would boycott ME!!

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Amusing

Obama Declares Iran-Dependence Day

If only we had a President who would personally deliver “rockets’ red glare” and “the bombs bursting in air” over Tehran this July 4th!

Another classic opinion piece by Ed Anger.

Enjoy!

I can’t believe it: Obama just invited a bunch of crazy foreigners to a Fourth of July party!

Our embassies throw Independence Day parties around the world, so this year, the Communist-in-Chief is inviting local bigwigs to come, too.
That means guys who work for President Achmed Dirtybad of Iran will get to set foot on our property!

That’s pretty funny, because Achmed Dirtybad first became famous when he and his friends took over our embassy in Iran back in the 1970s!

I knew Obama wanted to relive the Carter Presidency, but this is ridiculous. It’s bad enough he wants us to save electricity and drive ugly little cars and put up with crazy inflation like Jimmy did – but now the Teleprompter Kid wants to relive the 1970s in this whole new way! Next thing you know, Obama will be yelling “Kiss my grits” and wearing platform shoes!

I can see it now: a bunch of Iranian kooks asking for pig-free hotdogs at the cookout, or trying to barbeque a goat. I bet they bring their own fireworks, too – nuclear ones! And maybe they’ll burn an effigy of Uncle Sam, like they do every weekend anyway.

How can Iranian big shots celebrate something called “Independence Day” when they’re the same guys who lock up ladies who don’t wear bags on their heads? (Although I like their idea of not letting women drive – I guess they’ve met my mother-in-law.)

All in all, poor old Ed doesn’t feel much like celebrating this Fourth of July. Mark my words: they’ll ban fireworks and barbecues next because they cause pollution. Don’t laugh – that’s the first thing Hitler did when he took over. You can look it up!

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Amusing

OBAMA = O-BOW-MA!

Barack Obama paid his respects to two very different monarchs. Watch the American President give a slight head nod to the UK’s Queen Elizabeth, and then practically touch the toes of Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah.

Ed Anger says, Obama = O-BOW-ma!

I’m madder than a spitting camel at our new Communist-in-Chief!

First he goes to England, gives the Queen records of his own speeches, and lets his wife hug the old broad! (Like I said last week: at least Michelle didn’t try to give the Queen the fist bump!)

But then it got worse. The Teleprompter Kid met some A-rab king and bowed down to the guy! He didn’t bow to the Queen, did he? OK, the Queen doesn’t have billions of gallons of oil on her land, unless you count the vats of grease they cook their food in. But Sarah Palin has billions of dollars of oil on HER land and Obama would rather eat raw moose meat than bow to Sarah!

The A-rabs should be bowing to US! They use our army because they don’t have their own since the Israelis wrecked their old one. The A-rabs are good at chopping each other’s heads off for stealing a falafel, but they couldn’t win a fight with Jerry Seinfeld?

All A-rabs do all day is put on their weird Snuggie outfits and go shopping for diamonds and Cadillacs. The only smart thing about A-rabs is they don’t let their women drive, and if you’ve ever been in a Wal-Mart parking lot, you know that’s a good idea!

That’s who Obama bowed down to? If you can’t be bothered bowing down to the offspring of a bunch of homely, hemophiliac Krauts, why curtsy to the grandson of some illiterate desert bandit wearing a tea towel?

That’s what were getting for the next four years, my fellow Americans!
When the spacemen land in DC, expect Obama to kiss their little green feet!

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