Tag: Urban Legend

Amusing

Monica Lewinsky: “I Am Voting Republican, The Democrats Left A Bad Taste In My Mouth”

This is funny but it is an Urban Legend.

This anecdote about Monica Lewinsky’s registering as a Republican because the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth is just a joke, meant to provoke a guffaw over what is supposed to be an ill-conceived remark which can be taken two ways. Her escapades in the Oval Office have fated her to be forever the butt of jokes about fellatio, and this specious quote is just another instance of the phenomenon.

This fabricated bon mot surfaced in 1998, back when Monica was still trying to retain some shred of dignity and protect President Clinton by maintaining she “never had a sexual relationship with the president,” an extremely unlikely time for her to have been spouting off against Democrats. Moreover, despite the media feeding frenzy that accompanied the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, this “quote” didn’t appear in a single news report of the time. Had Monica Lewinsky uttered such a thing, it would have been splashed about in newspapers across the nation and would have provided endless fodder for the talk radio hosts and morning DJs, not to mention Jay Leno’s nightly monologue.

The resurgence of this joke in mid-2003 likely had to do with Lewinsky’s return to the media spotlight as the host of yet another reality dating show, Fox TV’s Mr. Personality. The program featured twenty eligible bachelors vying for the favors of a beautiful investment firm associate named Hayley, but the catch was that the suitors were masked. At the end of each episode Hayley’s court of admirers was winnowed until a single mystery man remained to be declared the “winner.” Though Ms. Lewinsky’s role in the show was a minor one, it served to bring her back into the public eye. (Mr. Personality got off to a good start with its 21 April 2003 debut, but by the second week its ratings had faltered.)

Yet another part of the reason behind this quote’s appearance in mid-2003 might have had to do with the ramp-up towards the 2004 Presidential election, as both sides girded for what would likely be a particularly contentious campaign. Derogatory jokes about the opposing party are de rigueur, and the incumbent Republicans could hardly have improved upon this one, a bit of humor which provokes a smile while also reminding all and sundry that the last Democrat to occupy the Oval Office was a lying philanderer.

This is not the first time Presidential mistress Monica Lewinsky has had an apocryphal (fellative) quote attributed to her. In 2000, the rumor of the moment was a comment she’d supposedly made during a CNN interview with Larry King about her becoming a Jenny Craig spokesperson: “I’ve learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me.”

Other

Jay Leno Email Is An Urban Legend


There is an email circulating that supposedly was written by Jay Leno. Now when I read it, I knew Jay Leno could never have written it. He is too politically correct to ever sound that patriotic. So after a little research, I found out that that email is actually an urban legend.

The actual essay was written by Craig R. Smith on November 20, 2006. The original is still worth a read because it does hit the nail on the head.

The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right? The same magazine that employs Michael (Qurans in the toilets at Gitmo) Isikoff. Here I promised myself this week I would be nice and I start off in this way. Oh what a mean man I am.

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3s of the citizenry just ain’t happy and want a change.

So being the knuckle dragger I am, I starting thinking, ”What we are so unhappy about?”

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all involved. Whether you are rich or poor they treat your wounds and even, if necessary, send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home, you may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of having a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes; an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don’t have and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn’t have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ”general” discharge, an ”other than honorable” discharge or, worst case scenario, a ”dishonorable” discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells. Just ask why they are going to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book and do a TV special about how he didn’t kill his wife but if he did … insane!

Stop buying the negative venom you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

I close with one of my favorite quotes from B.C. Forbes in 1953:

”What have Americans to be thankful for? More than any other people on the earth, we enjoy complete religious freedom, political freedom, social freedom. Our liberties are sacredly safeguarded by the Constitution of the United States, ‘the most wonderful work ever struck off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.’ Yes, we Americans of today have been bequeathed a noble heritage. Let us pray that we may hand it down unsullied to our children and theirs.”

I suggest this Thanksgiving we sit back and count our blessings for all we have. If we don’t, what we have will be taken away. Then we will have to explain to future generations why we squandered such blessing and abundance. If we are not careful this generation will be known as the ”greediest and most ungrateful generation.” A far cry from the proud Americans of the ”greatest generation” who left us an untarnished legacy.

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