Global Warming May Force Santa To Wear Shorts

This qualifies as the Asinine Global Warming News Of The Day and you, being that gullible idiot, are supposed to buy into it hook line and sinker. Meanwhile, parts of Canada are digging out from a monster snow storm that set a record for the most snow in a single December day.

What a hand-wringing hoax!

Global warming may soon see Santa don shorts


If the most dire climate forecasts come true the tourism industry in Europe’s far north, already feeling the effects of global warming, may find itself promoting a Santa in shorts and a camel-drawn sleigh.
Each year at the end of autumn, residents, shopkeepers, travel agencies, reindeer herders and even politicians in the Finnish Arctic town of Rovaniemi — home to Santa Claus’ Village, one of the biggest tourist attractions in Finland — look to the skies in the hopes of a snowy winter.

“Everyone working in tourism here is worried. The past three or four years have been difficult for us,” says Jarmo Kariniemi, owner of the Santa Claus’ Office in Rovaniemi which each year attracts 340,000 visitors eager to meet the “real” Father Christmas.

This December, with only a few weeks to go before Christmas, there are only 20 centimeters (seven-and-a-half inches) of snow on the ground, just enough for snowmobiles and dog- and reindeer sleighs.

But the rivers and lakes, which normally freeze over in winter and are used to take tourists on snowmobile or sleigh rides, have not turned to ice yet, and that’s bad news.

Tourism generates some 235 million euros (345 million dollars) of direct and indirect revenue in Finnish Lapland, of which about 60 percent comes during winter.

It is an enormous amount of money for the region, hit hard by high unemployment and the rural exodus to bigger towns.

“The winter tourism period in the Nordic countries will be shorter and shorter, both at the beginning and towards the end, and it will go fast and it will be huge,” climatologist Heikki Tuomenvirta told AFP.

Average temperatures in Finland will rise by three to six degrees Celsius in winter by 2050, and by four to eight degrees by 2080. The average winter temperature in Rovaniemi will rise from 15 degrees Celsius below zero (five degrees F) to eight below (18 F).

“Precipitation in winter will increase, with both rain and snow, and then there will be more rain,” Tuomenvirta said.

More rain will melt the snow that normally covers the vast region from November to April, she added.

Towns further north of Rovaniemi are already making the most of the first effects of global warming to attract tourists.

“The amount of snow varies from year to year in Rovaniemi, while here the snow is guaranteed,” said Carina Winnebaeck, a hotel manager in Enontekioe.

This village of 2,000 people, located a three-hour drive north of Rovaniemi, has already succeeded in persuading British tour operators to bring planefulls of holiday tourists seeking a winter wonderland to their town.

While global warming presents several short-term advantages — lower energy bills, greater agricultural possibilities, a longer summer tourism season — the long-term effects are dire for the region’s fauna, flora and local population.

Reindeer herding, the traditional activity and main income for the 70,000 indigenous Sami people spread out across the Arctic, is also at risk.

“Last year we were in northern Russia following the reindeer migration, and it went from -28 degrees C to above zero (-18 to above 32 degrees F),” said Bruce Forbes, a biogeographist at Rovaniemi’s Arctic Institute.

Then “it snowed and rained and went down to minus 40,” he said, explaining that the temperature swings led to alternating layers of thick snow and ice which the reindeers could not break through to get to the lichen they eat to survive through the winter.

“The herders had to physically break the ice to help the animals,” he said.

Sami Ruismaeki is one of Finland’s 7,000 reindeer herders whose livelihood has become more and more precarious.

“When it doesn’t rain, there are no mushrooms and the reindeer aren’t able to build up their body fat before the long winter. Then the lichen disappears under the heavy layers of ice,” he said.

The reindeer “have to be fed with grain or hay, and we have to bring water from home. It’s not profitable anymore,” he said.


Previously:
Asinine Global Warming News Of The Day: Divorces Contributing To Global Warming ~ Evaluation
Asinine Global Warming News Of The Day: Ireland To Ban Incandescent Lightbulbs ~ Evaluation
Kangaroo Farts Could Save The Planet From Global Warming ~ Evaluation
Environmentalists Encourage Jews To Light One Less Candle For Hanukka To Help The Environment. ~ Evaluation

Is Santa A Democrat Or A Republican?


While nearly everyone has weighed in with speculation as to the likely party affiliation of Jesus, not much has been written about Santa Clause.

Would the jolly old man be a Democrat or a Republican?

Consider Santa’s Democrat tendencies:

  • Is a multilingual globalist
  • Exploits children to enhance his public image and retain power
  • Works just one night a year
  • Hangs around with and employs fairies (elves)
  • Illegally crosses U.S. borders every year

Then, consider Santa’s Republican tendencies:

  • Is a fat, old white guy who probably drinks too much and hates change
  • Conspires with big business once a year to rip-off millions of average Americans
  • Considers himself “compassionate” although he pays his elves far below minimum wage
  • Lives in a foreign land (North pole) to avoid paying U.S. taxes
  • Values the bottom line over the environment—think about all those reindeer droppings

Fact is, Santa seems split fairly evenly between Democrat and Republican. In that sense, the old boy reflects America almost perfectly!

From: Is Santa a Democrat or a Republican?

Santa Technical Facts: Santa Spends Only 34 Microseconds At Each Stop


As a kid, I never even considered the logistics. My only concern was that he made it to my house. This sounds like more spin from the US Surgeon General to make Santa drop a few pounds. Nice touch suggesting that the combined weight of Santa and his sleigh travelling at supersonic speed would result in total vaporization.

Santa Claus is coming to town — for 34 microseconds


Christmas is hectic for all but particularly for Santa, who must live in Kyrgyzstan and make his rounds at lightning speed if he is to deliver gifts to all the world’s children on time, a Swedish consultancy has concluded.

Between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Santa Claus’s route around the planet includes stops at 2,5-billion homes, assuming that children of all religions receive a present from the jolly man in the red suit, Anders Larsson of the engineering consultancy Sweco told Agence France-Presse.

“We estimated that there are 48 people per square kilometre on Earth, and 20m between each home. So if Santa leaves from Kyrgyzstan and travels against the Earth’s rotation he has 48 hours to deliver all the presents,” he said.

Father Christmas has long been believed to reside at the North Pole, although a number of northern towns, including Finnish Rovaniemi, claim to be his true home.

But Sweco’s report on Santa’s most efficient route — which takes into account factors like geographic density and the fewest detours — shows that he wouldn’t be able to make his round-the-world trip from there in time.

“He has 34 microseconds at each stop” to slide down the chimney, drop off the presents, nibble on his cookies and milk and hop back on his sleigh, Larsson said.

Santa’s reindeer must travel at a speed of 5 800 kilometres per second to make the trip on time.

Another report circulating on the internet suggested however that Santa’s sleigh, weighed down with presents and travelling at supersonic speed, would encounter such massive air resistance that the entire contraption would burst into flames and be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second.


Previously:
US Surgeon General Says Santa Claus Is Fat And A Bad Role Model

US Surgeon General Says Santa Claus Is Fat And A Bad Role Model


I’m guessing that Santa is about 2000 years old. He must be doing something right with his diet to have lived so long. And come to think of it, doesn’t Mrs. Clause tell Santa that he has to put on more weight in the Christmas classic “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”? Who is Santa going to listen to, his own wife, or some politically correct hack? Keep him fat and jolly Mrs. Clause!

“Eat, Papa, eat! Nobody likes a skinny Santa!”

Top doctor in U.S. says big guy sets bad example


America’s top doc told the Herald yesterday that Santa Claus should slim down, in the latest blow struck in a global politically correct crusade against the jolly fat man.

“It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise. It is absolutely critical,” acting U.S. Surgeon General Rear Adm. Steven K. Galson said in an interview after a presentation on obesity at the Boston Children’s Museum.

Touting NFL players who work with kids to promote healthy lifestyles, Galson added: “Santa is no different.”

Santa’s waistline is the most recent casualty in a war which has already taken away his pipe and his ability to scoop children up and sit them on his knee.

Newspapers abroad have been filled with headlines bemoaning the plight of Australian Santas ordered not to say “ho, ho, ho” for fear of offending women or scaring children, and British Santas sent to boot camp to lose weight.

Some American Santas are taught not to greet people with “Merry Christmas” in case it offends people of different faiths, according to Tim Connaghan, founder of the International University of Santa Claus.
And the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas agrees with the acting surgeon general that Santa is just too fat. The organization has suggested its 800 members lose weight in time for its July convention to “set an example.”

“We think it is a health issue for Santa and for children and that Santa should be setting an example,” said Nicholas Trolli, president of Philadelphia-based AORBS.

Connaghan carried out a survey of more than 300 Santas that found the average weight was 256 pounds.

Some Santas agree that crosses the line from jolly to obese. Wendell Ritchie, a 63-year-old, 6-foot-5, 310-pound Santa from Springfield, said he wants to lose weight next year, although he does not believe Santa should be slim: “I’m an overweight Santa, but he is naturally rotund.”

Santa Rene L. Bureau, 59, of Lowell said he fears for the health of his fellow fat Santas.

“I find that a lot of us who are overweight suffer from health problems, from heart attacks to just having problems getting around,” he said.

Health experts concur.

“I thoroughly agree he should lose weight and we should find ways to make healthy foods more palatable to children,” said Dr. Meredith Harris, associate professor at Northeastern University. “Role models should be seen to be looking fit and living healthily.”

Bah, humbug, say other St. Nicks.

“It would cripple the image of Santa if they were to take his weight away,” said Santa Jim Manning, owner of South End-based santaboston.com.

“(Kids) are looking at my face. They could care less about the tummy,” agreed retired teacher Tom Geary, Santa at the Watertown Mall.

Santa’s jelly belly has nothing to fear from at least one local health honcho.

“While childhood obesity is a serious problem, we think Santa is fine just the way he is,” said Donna Rheaume, spokeswoman for the Massachusetts Department of Public Health.

But she added: “We would recommend people leave him healthier snacks this year like a nice apple or carrot and celery sticks, which have an added benefit because they are tasty for his reindeer, too.”


The War On Christmas Continues: Dickens Christmas Festival Has Been Re-Named the Dickens Holiday Festival

I’m getting real tired of all this politically correct bull shit.

‘Christ’ Taken Out Of Christmas Festival


Tightening budgets have forced Mt. Pleasant to take Christ out of their Christmas.

The traditional Dickens Christmas Festival has been re-named the Dickens Holiday Festival so the city can advertise in local schools.

In order to get more bang for their buck out of a thinning advertisement budget, the organization wants to put fliers in schools. For that to happen, the word “Christmas” had to be removed.

Downtown Development Coordinator Michelle Sponseller said many people are unhappy with the change.

We changed the name this year for the schools because we wanted to advertise in the school brochures and the schools have a list of words you can’t use like Santa, Christmas and Nativity. So did a brochure for the schools and we took those words out.”

Sponseller said they made a brochure for the public with word Christmas is still in it.

Downtown Development board member Kriss Roethleisberger said, “The spirit of the event has not changed. We have the live Nativity, the lighted Christmas parade, the community Christmas sing. It was simply that on one piece of marketing material we had the use the word ‘holiday.’”


Load More