Enjoy!
Flatulence is perfectly natural, but when it happens in public, you’d do anything to avoid the embarrassment. Whether they’re silent and deadly or loud and proud, here are the most dastardly ways to pass gas around others and slip away like a fart ninja.
Perfect Your Crop Dusting Technique
Crop dusting is the act of farting on the move. It might seem rude to fart and run, but it’s every man for himself in this world, and if you can get out of where you are quickly, you won’t have to deal with any of the aftermath. If you’re not stuck in a room with people, Erin Gloria Ryan at Jezebel suggests you release once you get walking:
If you must fart and there’s no hope for private relief in sight, do so when you’re on the move. Don’t linger in the cloud or return to the scene of the crime. If you pass gas in your cubicle, immediately get up and leave your cubicle, lest your chattiest coworker decide that now’s a great time to have a talk and what is that smell? Is that Ukranian food? If you’re on the train, fart and then make your way to the other end of the car. Leave the gas, take the canoli. Farting is kind of like murder or organized crime in that way.
While you’re on the move, Ryan also recommends you use whatever you can to cover up the smell so it doesn’t follow you:
You can try to mitigate the smell — for example, if you carry scented lotion in your purse, take it out right after you fart and start nonchalantly applying some to your hands. Nothing to see here. Just a lady passing gas and moisturizing…
Perfume, cologne, deodorant, chapstick, gum, and even cigarettes (if you’re desperate) can help cover the smell up. It’s better to smell overwhelmingly like perfume than fart, right?
