Tag: Ed Anger

Amusing

Good Riddance Ted Kennedy

Ed Anger’s classic eulogy of Ted Kennedy.

Ditto Ed Anger… ditto!

I’m happier than a Labrador Retriever at a wading pool!

After all these years, Ted Kennedy is finally dead! Yahoo!! It took him long enough – even in a nation full of gun-toting crazies, nobody thought Ted mattered enough to shoot.

What a shame, because before he finally died, Ted Kennedy managed to screw up everything he touched. It was bad enough he only got into Harvard because his smarter brothers went there, and their bootlegger father was rich. And everybody knows Ted Kennedy let a young lady die after he crashed a car off a bridge and left her to drown.

He also stuck up for the Commies and smeared guys who were a hundred times smarter and better than him, like that Bork and Clarence Thomas.

Imagine a guy who had to cheat his way through law school getting to decide who sits on the Supreme Court, and even calling one of them a pervert and another one a racist!?

But that’s not the worst of it. Nope, it is all the idiots who kept electing Ted Kennedy time and time again.

I love America, but it’s Americans I can’t stand. And that’s one reason why. How stupid do you have to be to keep voting for this fat, drunk, overrated commie blowhard just because of his famous last name?

I hear though that the news ratings are in the tank with all this Kennedy news, and the only person whose show is getting more watchers is… Glenn Beck! Ha Ha!

It’s enough to make me wish a bunch of stupid hippies would boycott ME!!

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Amusing

Obama Declares Iran-Dependence Day

If only we had a President who would personally deliver “rockets’ red glare” and “the bombs bursting in air” over Tehran this July 4th!

Another classic opinion piece by Ed Anger.

Enjoy!

I can’t believe it: Obama just invited a bunch of crazy foreigners to a Fourth of July party!

Our embassies throw Independence Day parties around the world, so this year, the Communist-in-Chief is inviting local bigwigs to come, too.
That means guys who work for President Achmed Dirtybad of Iran will get to set foot on our property!

That’s pretty funny, because Achmed Dirtybad first became famous when he and his friends took over our embassy in Iran back in the 1970s!

I knew Obama wanted to relive the Carter Presidency, but this is ridiculous. It’s bad enough he wants us to save electricity and drive ugly little cars and put up with crazy inflation like Jimmy did – but now the Teleprompter Kid wants to relive the 1970s in this whole new way! Next thing you know, Obama will be yelling “Kiss my grits” and wearing platform shoes!

I can see it now: a bunch of Iranian kooks asking for pig-free hotdogs at the cookout, or trying to barbeque a goat. I bet they bring their own fireworks, too – nuclear ones! And maybe they’ll burn an effigy of Uncle Sam, like they do every weekend anyway.

How can Iranian big shots celebrate something called “Independence Day” when they’re the same guys who lock up ladies who don’t wear bags on their heads? (Although I like their idea of not letting women drive – I guess they’ve met my mother-in-law.)

All in all, poor old Ed doesn’t feel much like celebrating this Fourth of July. Mark my words: they’ll ban fireworks and barbecues next because they cause pollution. Don’t laugh – that’s the first thing Hitler did when he took over. You can look it up!

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Amusing

OBAMA = O-BOW-MA!

Barack Obama paid his respects to two very different monarchs. Watch the American President give a slight head nod to the UK’s Queen Elizabeth, and then practically touch the toes of Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah.

Ed Anger says, Obama = O-BOW-ma!

I’m madder than a spitting camel at our new Communist-in-Chief!

First he goes to England, gives the Queen records of his own speeches, and lets his wife hug the old broad! (Like I said last week: at least Michelle didn’t try to give the Queen the fist bump!)

But then it got worse. The Teleprompter Kid met some A-rab king and bowed down to the guy! He didn’t bow to the Queen, did he? OK, the Queen doesn’t have billions of gallons of oil on her land, unless you count the vats of grease they cook their food in. But Sarah Palin has billions of dollars of oil on HER land and Obama would rather eat raw moose meat than bow to Sarah!

The A-rabs should be bowing to US! They use our army because they don’t have their own since the Israelis wrecked their old one. The A-rabs are good at chopping each other’s heads off for stealing a falafel, but they couldn’t win a fight with Jerry Seinfeld?

All A-rabs do all day is put on their weird Snuggie outfits and go shopping for diamonds and Cadillacs. The only smart thing about A-rabs is they don’t let their women drive, and if you’ve ever been in a Wal-Mart parking lot, you know that’s a good idea!

That’s who Obama bowed down to? If you can’t be bothered bowing down to the offspring of a bunch of homely, hemophiliac Krauts, why curtsy to the grandson of some illiterate desert bandit wearing a tea towel?

That’s what were getting for the next four years, my fellow Americans!
When the spacemen land in DC, expect Obama to kiss their little green feet!

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Amusing

Madonna Should Adopt Obama’s Aunt

Another classic opinion piece by Ed Anger.

Hey, Madonna: Why go halfway across the world to find somebody living in squalor, when we’ve got a poor African living right here?

Aunt Obama is an illegal alien who lives in the projects in Boston, and was supposed to get shipped back to Ooongaboongaland years ago. OK, Aunt Obama isn’t cute and little and covered in flies. But she’s still a real live African and hey, if Madonna adopted her, they’d both get to visit the White House sometimes, and they’d both love that!

I say why not? If Obama’s aunt was a Mexican, no one would even care! They didn’t deport boozehound Billy Carter or Bill Clinton’s crazy brother, did they? They didn’t ship half the Kennedys back to Ireland. And they’ve all been more trouble than this old broad.

Except she’s been living off the taxpayer’s dime, that is. Her nephew made millions off his boring books but he couldn’t buy her a nice little house? I guess that idea never came up on Obama’s Teleprompter!

The aunt’s lawyer says we can’t send her back because some fights have broken out back home between her tribe and another one, probably over who gets to drive the dead dictator’s 1978 Mercedes this week, or who turned whose wife into a goat.

Speaking of which, that Madonna’s looking pretty bad these days. I never thought she was that great to begin with, but let’s just say Guy Ritchie’s idea of a hot toy for the bedroom must’ve been The Clapper!

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Amusing

Down With The Declaration of Dependence

Ed Anger from the “Weekly World News” gives us this jewel!

ED ANGER SAYS: DOWN WITH THE DECLARATION OF DEPENDENCE

I’m angrier than Adam Smith in an itchy kilt about what’s happened to our once great nation!

The other day I saw the Communist-in-Chief at a townhall meeting on tv — but I thought I was watching ‘Let’s Make a Deal’.

One lady got up and told him she needed a car and a new kitchen. The Teleprompter Kid told her to talk with his staff after the show and sure enough, some rich friend of his gave her a house! I thought I was watching Oprah instead of Obama!

Heck, Jesus himself only gave out fish sandwiches.

Some other guy wanted more unemployment insurance, and another didn’t like his benefits at McDonald’s. Mr. and Mrs. America, it was like a bunch of kids visiting Santa at the mall, except these nuts were louder and crazier!

Did folks beg Abe Lincoln for spare change on his way to the movies? Did John Adams buy everyone a new washing machine? What an embarrassment!

What happened to the good old days, when ordinary Americans worked at the same job for forty years, got a gold watch, then pawned it when times got tough?

We complain about the lineups at the DMV, but we want the same government to take care of us?

You all should move to Cuba, where Castro will give you a second hand rice cooker once in a while before he throws you in jail. Old Ed Anger will gladly buy you moochers a one-way ticket, cuz it’ll be the last free thing you get on this man’s dime!