How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours

I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.”

It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these days it may have been too long, so I rewrote it.

The 2nd edition went: “To keep an idiot busy for hours, re-read this sentence.”

It’s doing pretty good. I have a deal for the sequel. The 3rd edition is going to go: “Re-read this line.”

Now, if I could just find the time to write it.

Children’s Books That Didn’t Make It

1. You Are Different and That’s Bad

2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

3. Dad’s New Wife Robert

4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share

5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

6. The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking

7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. All Cats Go to Hell

10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

11. Some Kittens Can Fly.

12. That’s It; I’m Putting You Up for Adoption

13. Grandpa Gets a Casket

14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator

15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia

16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy

17. Strangers Have the Best Candy

18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way

19. You Were an Accident

20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

21. Pop Goes The Hamster & Other Microwave Games

22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan

23. Your Nightmares Are Real

24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?

25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School

26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things

28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

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