Congress Wants to Raise the Federal Excise Tax on Beer by 145 Percent

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May 232009
 


They are just asking for a Revolution!

Drunk on power and dazed by ambition, members of Congress have stumbled upon a novel way to keep their spending binge rolling — and leave American taxpayers with the hangover.

Under a Senate proposal, Congress would raise the federal excise tax on beer by 145 percent to more than $3 a case.

Uncle Sam also would snatch an additional $7 on a case of wine — a staggering increase of 233 percent and an additional 20 percent on hard liquor sales.

“Buzz-kill doesn’t even begin to describe this invasion,” said a GOP congressional aide.

Not content just sticking it to alcohol drinkers, the lawmakers also proposed slapping new taxes on soda.

Sen. Max Baucus (D-Mont.) and Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) were quick to say they do not necessarily support the proposals they pitched. They were tossing them out there only as options for paying for President Obama’s proposed massive government takeover of the health- care industry.

Source…

Beer Troubleshooter

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Apr 182009
 

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
CAUSE: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
SOLUTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
CAUSE: Improper bladder control.
SOLUTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
CAUSE: Glass empty.
SOLUTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
CAUSE: You have fallen over backward.
SOLUTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
CAUSE: You have fallen forward.
SOLUTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
CAUSE: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
SOLUTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
CAUSE: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
SOLUTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
CAUSE: You are being carried out.
SOLUTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
CAUSE: Bar has closed.
SOLUTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
CAUSE: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
SOLUTION: Cover mouth.

Water, Wine & Beer

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Dec 172008
 

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is BACTERIA. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia Coli, (E. Coli bacteria) – found in feaces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of POOP.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = POOP. Wine and Beer = HEALTH.

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine/beer and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of SHIT.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service.”

Man Orders Custom Beer-Can Coffin

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May 052008
 

The irony is that he can afford a custom made casket but doesn’t have the money for better beer.

Forever blitzed: Man orders custom beer-can coffin

Bill Bramanti will love Pabst Blue Ribbon eternally, and he’s got the custom-made beer-can casket to prove it.

“I actually fit, because I got in here,” said Bramanti of South Chicago Heights.

The 67-year-old Glenwood village administrator doesn’t plan on needing it anytime soon, though.

He threw a party Saturday for friends and filled his silver coffin – designed in Pabst’s colors of red, white and blue – with ice and his favorite brew.

“Why put such a great novelty piece up on a shelf in storage when you could use it only the way Bill Bramanti would use it?” said Bramanti’s daughter, Cathy Bramanti, 42.

Bramanti ordered the casket from Panozzo Bros. Funeral Home in Chicago Heights, and Scott Sign Co. of Chicago Heights designed the beer can.

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