Tag: Amusing

Senator Hillary Clinton, on an airliner bound for Texas, finds herself seated next to an older, weathered man in a western snap shirt, faded jeans, and a cowboy hat. Thinking herself above the old cowboy, she decides to make sport of him.

“You know,” she says, “I’ve heard these flights go much more quickly if you strike up a conversation with a fellow passenger. So, let’s talk.”

The cowboy looks at her wryly and says, “Well I s’pose that’d be all right, m’am. What’d ya like to discuss?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” says Hillary with a slight hint of sarcasm. “How about Iraq?”

“Hmm,” says the cowboy, sensing an attempt to perhaps belittle him, “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first? Horses, cows, and deer all eat the same stuff–grass. Yet a deer passes little pellets, a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse makes muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?”

Dumbfounded, Senator Clinton replies, “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“So tell me, then,” says the cowboy with a smile. “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss Iraq when you don’t know shit?”

Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

Hearst Cooking Up Magazine for Food Network

What’s in the oven at Hearst? In recent weeks, the magazine giant has been staffing up for a secret development project, picking off editors from the Reader’s Digest-owned Every Day with Rachael Ray. But for what?

According to a well-placed source, the project in question is a new food magazine to be published in partnership with the Food Network. Like previous TV-to-print adaptations Hearst has housed — ESPN The Magazine, O, The Oprah Magazine and the ill-fated Lifetime — the title would carry the Food Network’s brand and be published as a joint venture, in this case between Hearst and Scripps, which owns the channel.

Asked about that, a Hearst spokeswoman said, “I can tell you that we are at a very early development stage on a concept in consultation with The Food Network. Any speculation about specifics at this point would be premature.”

Will this one be a hit like O or a bust like Lifetime? The source, noting that Hearst is not the first publisher Scripps approached with the idea, predicts the latter. The problem is that the network’s personalities aren’t an automatic part of the package. And of course Ray, possibly the network’s biggest star, has her own magazine, as does Paula Deen. “All you really get is the logo,” says the source.

Hillary Clinton promises that her health plan will be universal even if she has to automatically enroll anyone reluctant to participate and garnish their wages to pay for it.

Does that sound like a free America to you?

Clinton health plan may mean tapping pay

---

Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton said Sunday she might be willing to garnish the wages of workers who refuse to buy health insurance to achieve coverage for all Americans.

The New York senator has criticized presidential rival Barack Obama for pushing a health plan that would not require universal coverage. Clinton has not always specified the enforcement measures she would embrace, but when pressed on ABC’s “This Week,” she said: “I think there are a number of mechanisms” that are possible, including “going after people’s wages, automatic enrollment.”

Clinton said such measures would apply only to workers who can afford health coverage but refuse to buy it, which puts undue pressure on hospitals and emergency rooms. With her proposals for subsidies, she said, “it will be affordable for everyone.”

Clinton also suggested that Obama would be more susceptible to Republican attack ads in a general election because he has not been scrutinized for years as she has.

“I’ve been through the Republican attacks over and over again,” she said. When Obama was elected to the Senate from Illinois in 2004, she said, he “didn’t face anyone who ran attack ads” comparable to those aimed at her.

The presidential contenders in both parties campaigned all-out on Sunday, two days before the Super Tuesday voting in 24 states holding primaries or caucuses.

Clinton was campaigning in Missouri and Minneapolis. Obama scheduled a rally in Wilmington, Del., while some of his highest-profile surrogates — his wife, Michelle, Oprah Winfrey and Caroline Kennedy — were rallying voters in Los Angeles. Among Republicans, Arizona Sen. John McCain was stumping in Connecticut and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney scheduled stops in Glen Ellyn, Ill., and the St. Louis suburb of Maryland Heights. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee was concentrating on the South, with appearances in Georgia and Tennessee.

McCain told “Fox News Sunday” he would veto any tax increase passed by a Democratic-controlled Congress. McCain, who opposed President Bush’s first two tax cuts, now says Congress should make the reductions permanent, and that there also should be further tax reductions for business investments.

His chief rival, Romney, told the ABC program that McCain “doesn’t understand the economy” and that his advocacy of a higher gasoline tax to combat global warming would hurt U.S. consumers.

Romney also called on Huckabee to drop from the race. In response, called the suggestion “ludicrous,” noting that only a fraction of the delegates needed to win the Republican presidential nomination had been apportioned thus far.

“I’ve got a different take on that. I think it’s time for Mitt Romney to step aside,” Huckabee said on CNN.

---

Now this makes more sense than anything else that has been reported. It appears that Britney Spears’ problems may have less to do with a bipolar disorder, and more to do with drug abuse. This is from The National Enquirer:

METH BINGE LED TO BRITNEY HOSPITALIZATION

---

Britney Spears had been on a 24-hour meth binge before she was rushed to the hospital, The NATIONAL ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.

Ironically, she was desperately trying to stay awake — because she was terrified that if she fell asleep, her family would “drag her off to a mental institution,” according to a close source.

The drama began at 2 a.m. Wednesday when Britney and Sam Lutfi checked into the Beverly Hills Hotel and she began doing meth.

In addition to her mental problems the ENQUIRER has learned that Britney is addicted to crystal meth, and details her addiction in a front page story this week.

Meanwhile, her meth habit played a key role in her recent hospitalization and friends told her mother, Lynne, that she hadn’t slept since last Saturday.

Her drug-taking went on all day, interrupted only by brief dashes to her home.

Secret arrangements for her hospitalization had been made — but no-one wanted it to happen at the hotel.

Finally, at 8 pm, photographer boyfriend Adnan Ghalib persuaded her to go home.

“The doctor came over but Britney was very spacey,” says a source.

“She was eerily quiet — when they called her name she wouldn’t even look at them. It was like she was deaf.

“A psychiatrist who came to examine her put the hospital plan into operation.”

---