Liberal Fantasy: Global Warming Will Save America from the Right

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Dec 282007
 

Dave Lindorff forgets a few things in this liberal wet dream. The red states happen to control the lion’s share of America’s food, weapons, fuel, and real estate. The typical liberal mind-set always tends to exclude vital elements from the equation.

Here is another thing for this cat loving girly man to consider, I hear Liberals taste just like chicken. In the event of societal collapse and mass hysteria I would not want to be a tofu-eating, tree-hugging, sissy.

This commentary is evidence that Mr. Lindorff isn’t in the 38% of Democrats that report having excellent mental health.

Global Warming Will Save America from the Right…Eventually


Say what you will about the looming catastrophe facing the world as the pace of global heating and polar melting accelerates. There is a silver lining.

Look at a map of the US.

The area that will by completely inundated by the rising ocean—and not in a century but in the lifetime of my two cats—are the American southeast, including the most populated area of Texas, almost all of Florida, most of Louisiana, and half of Alabama and Mississippi, as well as goodly portions of eastern Georgia, South Carolina and North Carolina. While the northeast will also see some coastal flooding, its geography is such that that aside from a few projecting sandbars like Long Island and Cape Cod, the land rises fairly quickly to well above sea level. Sure, Boston, New York and Philadelphia will be threatened, but these are geographically confined areas that could lend themselves to protection by Dutch-style dikes. The West Coast too tends to rise rapidly to well above sea level in most places. Only down in Southern California towards the San Diego area is the ground closer to sea level.

So what we see is that huge swaths of conservative America are set to face a biblical deluge in a few more presidential cycles.

Then there’s the matter of the Midwest, which climate experts say is likely to face a permanent condition of unprecedented drought, making the place largely unlivable, and certainly unfarmable. The agribusinesses and conservative farmers that have been growing corn and wheat may be able to stretch out this doomsday scenario by deep well drilling, but west of the Mississippi, the vast Ogallala Aquifer that has allowed for such irrigation is already being tapped out. It will not be replaced.

So again, we will see the decline and depopulation of the nation’s vast midsection—noted for its consistent conservatism. Only in the northernmost area, around the Great Lakes (which will be not so great anymore), and along the Canadian border, will there still be enough rain for farming and continued large population concentrations, but those regions, like Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois, are also more liberal in their politics.

Finally, in the Southwest, already parched and stiflingly hot, the rise in energy costs and the soaring temperatures will put an end to right-wing retirement communities like Phoenix, Tucson and Palm Springs. Already the Salton Sea is fading away and putting Palm Springs on notice that the good times are coming to an end. Another right-wing haven soon to be gone.

So the future political map of America is likely to look as different as the much shrunken geographical map, with much of the so-called “red” state region either gone or depopulated.

There is a poetic justice to this of course. It is conservatives who are giving us the candidates who steadfastly refuse to have the nation take steps that could slow the pace of climate change, so it is appropriate that they should bear the brunt of its impact.

The important thing is that we, on the higher ground both actually and figuratively, need to remember that, when they begin their historic migration from their doomed regions, we not give them the keys to the city. They certainly should be offered assistance in their time of need, but we need to keep a firm grip on our political systems, making sure that these guilty throngs who allowed the world to go to hell are gerrymandered into political impotence in their new homes.

There will be much work to be done to help the earth and its residents—human and non-human—survive this man-made catastrophe, and we can’t have these future refugee troglodytes, should their personal disasters still fail to make them recognize reality, mucking things up again.

It should be considered acceptable, in this stifling new world, to say, “Shut up. We told you this would happen.”


Evil Eye Baby

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Dec 272007
 

I thought this was good for a laugh. This baby has the amazing ability to give the evil eye on command.

Palestinian Terrorists New Mission To Protect President Bush

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Dec 272007
 

I find it hard to believe that the Secret Service has turned the life of President Bush over to Palestinian terrorists. Why would the Secret Service do such a thing? I’m not buying it.

Terrorists’ new mission: Protect President Bush


According to Israeli security officials coordinating deployments of forces with the PA for Bush’s Ramallah visit, members of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades, Fatah’s declared military wing, have been called upon by the PA to participate in the protection of Bush’s convoy and in securing the parameter during the meeting with Abbas.


Trace Bundy Performs Carol Of The Bells

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Dec 262007
 

I thought that it would be fitting to close out the Holiday posts with performance by Trace Bundy. In case you don’t know who he is or have never heard of him, Trace is an instrumental acoustic guitar player who lives and performs in Boulder, Colorado. He is specially known as “The Acoustic Ninja” for his finger tapping skills.

All Paths Lead To Bacon

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Dec 232007
 

This is possibly the greatest flow chart in the history of the world.

click to enlarge

Remember if you don’t eat bacon the terrorists win.

Speaking of terrorists… this would be the perfect gift for any radical Muslim this Christmas. It’s a bacon scented candle.

Flow Chart courtesy of Fark