Brinkmanship, n. A hardball political strategy whereby members of Congress hold the parents hostage in order to pick the child’s pocket.
Congress, n. The only whorehouse that loses money. — D.C. proverb
Rlectoral college, n. A prestigious college that issues no grades to its enrollees but perpetually flunks democracy.
Inauguration, n. A scepterless coronation with bleacher seats.
Lie, v. What a politician does with his mouth when he is not eating.
Political language, n. Speech designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable. — George Orwell
Politics, n. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
Debate, n. A nationally televised forum in which moderators provide candidates with alternating, 30-second opportunities to evade questioning.
Donor, n. In a democratic republic, the primary instrument for expressing the will of the people; not to be confused with a voter.
Radical, n. A man with both feet planted firmly — in the air. — Franklin D. Roosevelt
Recount, n. A process by which the fruits of a democratic outcome are jettisoned in favor of the pits left over after the lawyers and rented mobs have had a good chew.
Running mate, n. A comfortably inferior politician who can complement the shortcomings of your candidacy without compromising your ego.
Senator, n. A call center operator with her own driver and stationery.
Voters, n. Lost souls who repeatedly select the lesser of two evil roads only to find themselves right back in the ditch where they began.
