As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that at my age I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And you tell me to exercise? I don’t think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:
- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
- My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
- I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
- Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
- Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
- If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
- It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
- Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I wish the buck really did stop here, I sure could use a few of them.
- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
- Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
- The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
- When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
- It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
