- Treiman’s Theorem: Impossible things don’t usually happen.
- O’Reilly’s law of the kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible.
- Lieberman’s law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.
- Denniston’s law: Virtue is its own punishment.
- Gold’s law: If the shoe fits, its ugly.
- Conway’s law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person should be fired.
- Finster’s law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Lynch’s law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
- Muir’s law: When we try to separate anything out by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- Glyme’s formula for success: The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Mason’s first law of synergism: The one day you’d sell your birthright for something, birthrights are a glut.
- Hanlon’s razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
- Handy guide to modern science: If it’s green or wriggles, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
- Green’s law of debate: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.
- Stewart’s law of retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- First rule of history: History doesn’t repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
- Oliver’s law of location: No matter where you go, there you are.
- Harrison’s postulate: For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- Lerman’s Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.
Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.
- Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.
- Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.
Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.
- Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
- The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no positive effect on your take-home pay.
- Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.
- First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.
- Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.
- Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
- Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.
- Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one.
Corollary – If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.
- The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
- Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.
- Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
- Quile’s Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
- Loftus’ Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even which book it is.
- Lovka’s Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else.
- Hellrung’s Law: If you wait, it will go away.
- Coles’S Law: Thinly sliced cabbage
