Barack Hussein Obama’s Final Full Day Schedule
7:00 AM Golf with Tiger Woods.
8:00 AM Chaplain reads daily verse from the Quran.
9:00 AM Obama signs bill raising debt limit to 80 trillion dollars; blames Bush tax cuts and economic policies for “legacy of debt”.
10:00 AM Scheduled interview with CBS News anchor Janeane Gawdawfulo.
11:00 AM Morning ration of electricity ends; country goes dark for an hour… or four.
12:00 PM GM declares bankruptcy for eighth time; Obama signs bill making it part of Post Office.
1:00 PM Obama meets with new President and Vice President, Eric Holder and Van Jones.
2:00 PM Obama commemorates trial of Khalid Sheik Mohammad, now in its 10th year.
3:00 PM Obama signs bill raising debt limit to 90 trillion dollars.
4:00 PM Obama threatens to impose sanctions on Iran for failing to cap its nuclear weapons production at 7,000.
5:00 PM Obama signs pact giving Chinese right to drill for oil off California coast; all US coal and petroleum rights now owned by foreign nations; US entirely wind-driven.
6:00 PM Obama signs bill raising national debt limit automatically every 15 minutes.
7:00 PM Another flight mysteriously drops from sky over US territory. Al Qaeda claims credit. Obama notes contemptuously that well over half still land successfully.
8:00 PM Michelle returns from last shopping trip as first lady; buys sneakers made out of $30000 handbag.
9:00 PM Obama signs bill making NY Times and CNN part of Post Office. PO now “employs” 70 million people. Obama claims credit for holding unemployment caused by Bush depression to under 30%.
10:00 PM Obama, in final national speech on Letterman, declares era of Changling Hopeyness a success. David Brooks agrees.
11:00 PM Evening ration of electricity ends; country does dark for the night. Terrorist attack with flashlights. Obama cites failure of Bush Administration terrorism and energy policies.
12:00 AM Nobel Committee selects Barack Obama as Peace Prize winner for 10th straight year.
