Did you hear about the midget clairvoyant burglar that escaped from jail? The headlines in the newspaper read “Small Medium at Large”
Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug? She had her baby in the spring.
Q. What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously?
A. A receding hareline.
There were two ships. One had red paint. One had blue paint. They collided. At last report, the survivors were marooned!
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank — proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Show me where Stalin’s buried and I’ll show you a communist plot.
Show me a famous composer’s liquor cabinet and I’ll show you Beethoven’s Fifth.
Tibetian housewife upon entering her smoke-filled kitchen: “Oh, my baking yak!”
Show me the first president’s dentures, and I’ll show you the George Washington Bridge.
A man recently invented a knife that cuts four loaves of bread simultaneously. He calls his invention a four-loaf cleaver.
Two peanuts were walking in Central Park, one was assaulted.
As the great Jedi English teacher was quoted in saying, “metaphors be with you.”
If I hated my house and fell in love with my office building, would that be an edifice complex?
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!
She was only the moonshiners daughter, but I loved her still!
A three legged dog walked into the bar and said, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
