Gifts to Give Real Men

This is from an email I received.

Buying gifts for men isn’t nearly as complicated as it is for women.

So, don’t worry, this timely list of rules will answer all your gift-giving questions for the men on your list.

Rule #1
When in doubt, buy him a cordless drill.
It does not matter if he already has one.
I have a friend who owns 17 and he is yet to complain.
As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.

Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the
word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words.
“Hey, George, can I borrow your ratchet?”
“Sure. By the way, are you through with my 3/8″ socket?”

Rule #3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer, or something to
hang from his rear view mirror.
Men love gifts for their car.

Rule #4
Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if men were supposed to wear bathrobes, jockey shorts would not have been invented.

Rule #5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy the man on your list a big screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips.
Forget the program – your entertainment will be watching him have fun!

Rule #6
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or
cologne. Men believe they do not smell – they are earthy.

Rule #7
Buy men label makers. They’re almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks, there will be labels absolutely everywhere. “Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.”
You get the idea.

Rule #8
Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the
instructions because the box says, “Some assembly required.”
It will ruin his special day. He will always have parts left over.

Rule #9
Good places to shop for men include: Home Depot, Wal-Mart, $ Dollar Store, Lumberyard, Speed Shops, RV Center and Goodyear Tire, Pool Halls and Pawnshops. Napa Auto Parts and Sear’s Clearance Center are also excellent. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “From Napa Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ”68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks!”

Rule #10
Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook, but love to barbeque. Get him a monster barbeque with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him to build a deck for it.Tell him the gas line leaks. Oh the thrill! The challenge!

Rule #11
Tickets or Pay per View to any NFL or NHL ball game is a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to “A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.”

Rule #12
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don’t know why, refer to rule #7 (remember what happens with a label maker?)

Rule #13
It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an ‘extension’ ladder.

Rule #14
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says “I love you” like a hundred feet of 3/8″ yellow or blue manila rope.

Rule #15
In lieu of good rope, consider getting him a heavy-duty extension cord. It should be at least 75-100 feet, and it must be either bright yellow or international orange. He’ll use it for everything, even if the job is only 10 feet from the power outlet.

Rule # 16
Never, ever buy them house slippers. Only leather moccasins.
They will think they are Tonto or out camping somewhere. Macho thing.