Conservatism is Back and the Left is Trembling

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Sep 062008
 


This piece by Kathryn Jean Lopez at NRO is really well-written and really understands the feelings of Republican voters before and after Sarah Palin was chosen to be Vice President.

Hell, just 10 days ago I was going to have to get drunk and hold my nose to vote for John McCain. With his selection of Sarah Palin, I gained a new respect for McCain and have to agree with Rush Limbaugh; we should call him “John McGenius.”

The Rush Is on for Palin, GOP


Considering the location of the Republican convention, the theme song had already been written for Sarah Palin’s vice presidential campaign. It comes from The Mary Tyler Moore Show, based in the Twin Cities.

“Who can turn the world on with her smile? Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? Well, it’s you, girl, and you should know it; with each glance and every little movement, you show it. Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have a town, why don’t you take it? You’re gonna make it after all.”

With the announcement of Sarah Palin as John McCain’s running mate, the Republican Party transformed overnight from a lackluster, demoralized group of people largely willing to vote for McCain out of a lack of alternatives, to an eager and energized movement, ready to donate their time, money, and expertise. In the course of a few days, people who felt like they didn’t have a stake in the election became enthusiastically engaged. At one pro-life event here, a woman announced, “I’m really voting for Palin, not McCain.” There’s something about Palin that connects with and comforts members of the Right, while threatening those on the Left.

In the days after McCain’s pick became public, we saw left-wing blogs write salacious and unsubstantiated claims about Palin and her family. These digital scandalmongers even won a victory of sorts, when the Palins announced, through the McCain campaign, the pregnancy of their unwed teenage daughter. The Left evinced no small satisfaction from their time wallowing in the mud. As lurid, tabloid-ready stories issued forth, conservatives both rushed to defend Palin and got a little nervous. Had she been vetted properly? Could there be other, more dire skeletons lurking?

Creeping dread began to dampen the initial enthusiasm for the Alaskan governor. There were too many growing distractions, perhaps the biggest being the question of experience. McCain had previously said a vice president should be ready to assume the presidency from the get-go. Doubt and uncertainty grew.

But then on Wednesday night, Palin spoke.

Not only did she show the depth of her moral character, she demonstrated an aptitude for policy, both foreign and domestic. Most importantly, she exhibited a love of country, and a respect and support for military service. She came across as an everywoman. A mom who wanted to do her part at home and in the world — an instinct that led her into politics, and ultimately onto the podium of the Xcel Center as John McCain’s Number Two.

By the time she wrapped up her acceptance speech, the skepticism had vanished, and the dominant reaction now seems to be happiness and relief at McCain’s sagacious choice.

And for once, skeptics can’t cry tokenism. Commentators who compare Palin to George Bush’s gender-based, experience-blind pick for the Supreme Court, Harriet Miers, couldn’t be more off-base. One of Palin’s positives for McCain may have been her lack of a Y chromosome, but she’s also got everything else — including the fighting spirit to cross swords with a self-proclaimed scrapper, Joe Biden. Palin has the humor and winsome charm to hold an audience, the real-world wisdom to persuade, and the compassion to inspire — not to mention the executive experience that no one on either ticket can claim. Putting a play on an Obama phrase, conservatives have been saying, “She is the one we have been waiting for.” Comparisons to Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher are flying — all a tad premature, but it’s a good thing just the same.

What excites conservatives about Palin angers the Left. She’s an attractive (“The hottest governor from the coolest state,” one pin making the convention-hall rounds announced), conservative, pro-life, happy warrior who won’t play victim even when she and her family are attacked by a supposedly objective media. She threatens a dying feminist movement that thrives on victimization. With a gun in hand, ready to make moose burgers or caribou stew, Palin is not their kinda girl. And that’s exactly as it should be.


101 Ways to Annoy Someone

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Sep 062008
 

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”

3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. < 7. Speak only in a “robot” voice. 8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”. 10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. 11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 12. Sniffle incessantly. 13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 14. Name your dog “Dog.” 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.” 16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.” 17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.” 18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”. 19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.” 20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. 21. Practice making fax and modem noises. 22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss. 23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.” 26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.” 27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, its gone now.”

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.”

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to “AaJohn Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each “a.”

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!”

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.”

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.”

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties.

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