You know you are addicted to coffee if …
* You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
* You sleep with your eyes open.
* You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
* The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
* You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
* You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
* Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
* You chew on other people’s fingernails.
* The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
* You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
* You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
* You can jump-start your car without cables.
* You don’t sweat, you percolate.
* You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
* You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
* You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
* People get dizzy just watching you.
* Instant coffee takes too long.
* You channel surf faster without a remote.
* You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
* You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
* You short out motion detectors.
* You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
* Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
* You help your dog chase its tail.
* You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
* Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
* You ski uphill.
* You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.
* You answer the door before people knock.
* You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
