I *heart* bacon.
The St Valentine’s Day porker: Piglet born with heart-shaped spots
A cute little piglet born with heart-shaped markings on his side is the centre of attention as lovers gear up for Valentine’s Day this week.
The 10-day-old Gloucester Old Spot piglet christened Valentine – what else? – is one of a litter of seven born at Byford’s Farm in Taynton, near Newent, Glos.
Farmer Eric Freeman, 75 – a founding member of the Gloucester Old Spot Pig Breeders’ Club – said Valentine’s mother Mandi Lou has already got used to her piglet stealing the show.
“Some sows get really annoyed and squeal but Old Spots are known for being quiet,” he said.
“Mandi Lou was very good and didn’t mind Valentine having her picture taken.
“I’ve bred thousands of Old Spot piglets over the years but this is the first ever to have such a clear heart-shaped mark.
“It couldn’t be more appropriate with Valentine’s Day just around the corner.”
Mr Freeman has been breeding Old Spots at his farm for 25 years and said the breed has come back from near-extinction in the past few years.
“I think there are probably around 400 members of the breeders’ club and they have spread far and wide,” he said.
“There has been a lot of interest because they are a fatty breed and it’s a different taste to the normal type of pig – it’s much more succulent.”
This is funny but it is an Urban Legend.
This anecdote about Monica Lewinsky’s registering as a Republican because the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth is just a joke, meant to provoke a guffaw over what is supposed to be an ill-conceived remark which can be taken two ways. Her escapades in the Oval Office have fated her to be forever the butt of jokes about fellatio, and this specious quote is just another instance of the phenomenon.
This fabricated bon mot surfaced in 1998, back when Monica was still trying to retain some shred of dignity and protect President Clinton by maintaining she “never had a sexual relationship with the president,” an extremely unlikely time for her to have been spouting off against Democrats. Moreover, despite the media feeding frenzy that accompanied the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, this “quote” didn’t appear in a single news report of the time. Had Monica Lewinsky uttered such a thing, it would have been splashed about in newspapers across the nation and would have provided endless fodder for the talk radio hosts and morning DJs, not to mention Jay Leno’s nightly monologue.
The resurgence of this joke in mid-2003 likely had to do with Lewinsky’s return to the media spotlight as the host of yet another reality dating show, Fox TV’s Mr. Personality. The program featured twenty eligible bachelors vying for the favors of a beautiful investment firm associate named Hayley, but the catch was that the suitors were masked. At the end of each episode Hayley’s court of admirers was winnowed until a single mystery man remained to be declared the “winner.” Though Ms. Lewinsky’s role in the show was a minor one, it served to bring her back into the public eye. (Mr. Personality got off to a good start with its 21 April 2003 debut, but by the second week its ratings had faltered.)
Yet another part of the reason behind this quote’s appearance in mid-2003 might have had to do with the ramp-up towards the 2004 Presidential election, as both sides girded for what would likely be a particularly contentious campaign. Derogatory jokes about the opposing party are de rigueur, and the incumbent Republicans could hardly have improved upon this one, a bit of humor which provokes a smile while also reminding all and sundry that the last Democrat to occupy the Oval Office was a lying philanderer.
This is not the first time Presidential mistress Monica Lewinsky has had an apocryphal (fellative) quote attributed to her. In 2000, the rumor of the moment was a comment she’d supposedly made during a CNN interview with Larry King about her becoming a Jenny Craig spokesperson: “I’ve learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me.”
This is a must read. You’ll relish the puns.
Let’s be frank: motor vehicle accidents aren’t much fun for anyone.
But when a 27-foot-long tube-steak spins out on a snow-covered highway, it’s bound to generate some grins.
That’s what happened Sunday to an Oscar Mayer Wienermobile on Route 15 about two miles south of Mansfield (at least it didn’t roll over).
The growler contained two “hotdoggers” — driver Emily Volpini, 22, of Lexington, Ky., and Caylen Goudie, 22, of Hinsdale, Ill. Although they didn’t relish the experience, they weren’t hurt, investigating state Trooper Rex Johnson said.
“Hotdoggers” are goodwill ambassadors for Kraft Foods and Oscar Mayer. There are 12 of them in the country — two for each of the six Wienermobiles. They spend a year on the job traveling around the country. Part of their job is to recruit their replacements.
On Friday and Saturday, Volpini and Goudie and the iconic frankfurter were at Syracuse University, fulfilling the promise to the winner of “A Weekend with the Wienermobile” contest. Sunday morning, the women and the wiener on wheels headed south toward Penn State, where they will try to recruit candidates for the 2008-09 hotdoggers from a stable of Nittany Lion hopefuls.
Mother Nature intervened, though briefly, at 12:20 p.m., putting the plastic porksicle on the median and out of service.
“We thought we had come out of the blizzard,” Goudie said. “We thought we were through it. Then we hit a patch of ice. The Wienermobile weighs 7,000 pounds, so usually ice and snow isn’t much of a problem. It was this time.”
Stuck, Volpini called 911 dispatchers in Wellsboro. Though skeptical at first, they notified state police at Mansfield. As passersby called in the crash on cell phones, the dispatchers became convinced that the barkburger was indeed in hot water.
Police contacted Dave Kurzejewski of Costy’s Truck and Auto Mart, and he showed up in short order with a heavy four-wheel-drive vehicle and some chains. Johnson, the trooper, grilled the women briefly and concluded that a routine and sober spinout was all he had on his plate.
Kurzejewski hooked up and Emily fired up the highway hot dog, and a few well-timed tugs later, the Wienermobile was back on the highway.
For Kurzejewski, veteran of hundreds of tows over the years, Sunday’s experience was a new one.
“I’ve pulled out a lot of vehicles,” he said. “But that’s the first wiener I’ve ever pulled out.”
It was a first for the women, too. They left none the wurst for wear.
“Usually we try to keep from scratching our buns,” Goudie said. “But sometimes, things go wrong.”