Jan 082008
- I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)
- Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. (Mark Twain)
- The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. (George Burns)
- Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. (Victor Borge)
- Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain)
- By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury (Groucho Marx)
- Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. (Alex Levine)
- I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. (Bob Hope)
- I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. (W.C. Fields)
- We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. (Will Rogers)
- Don’t worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you. (Winston Churchill)
- Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. (Phyllis Diller)
- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. (Billy Crystal)
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