The University of Texas chapter of the Young Conservatives of Texas put on a bake sale aimed at speaking out against the ridiculousness of affirmative action.
Tag: Women
Joke Of The Day: The First Jewish Woman President
The first Jewish woman President is elected.
She calls her Mother: “Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.”
“I don’t know, what would I wear?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker.”
“But I only eat kosher food.”
“Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get you kosher food.”
“But how will I get there?”
“I’ll send a limo, just come mama.”
“Ok, Ok, if it makes you happy.
The great day comes and Mama is seated between the Supreme Court Justices and the Future Cabinet members, she nudges the gentleman on her right. “You see that girl, the one with her hand on the Bible?” … “Her brother’s a doctor!”
Joke Of The Day: Artie
This young husband realizes he has made a mistake marrying his wife and decides to have her offed for her insurance. Through a friend of a friend, the young husband locates “Artie” who has done these contracts before.
Artie meets with the young husband and Artie agrees to do the job for $10,000 with $5,000 upfront. The husband says he doesn’t have that kind of money now but will when he collects the insurance money. Artie says he still wants something. What’s in his wallet? The young husband pulls out his wallet and shows Artie a dollar. Artie takes the dollar as the down payment.
Artie tails the wife and follows her into the produce section of a grocery store. Thinking they’re alone, Artie approaches the wife and chokes her to death. A produce worker comes up having seen the whole thing. Not wanting to leave any witnesses, Artie chokes him to death, too. Unbeknownst to Artie, this is all captured on the in-store camera. Artie is caught. The headlines the next day read:
ARTIE CHOKES 2 FOR A DOLLAR AT SAFEWAY!!
Joke Of The Day: Married For Years
An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.
To everyone’s relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, “Aren’t you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?”
The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the old fart dig. I had him buried upside down.
Joke Of The Day: Not Again!
Mary’s funeral was attended by family and a number of friends. When the funeral service ended, the pallbearers carried the coffin out. They accidentally banged the coffin into a wall and heard a faint moan coming from within the coffin. They opened the coffin and lo and behold, Mary was alive!
Eleven years later, Mary actually dies. The service is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony, the pallbearers again lift the casket.
As they are taking a bend, Joe, the husband yells, “Mind the wall!”
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