Joke Of The Day: Getting Married In Heaven

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Jan 192014
 
Rubber Chicken A young couple was on their way to get married when they were involved in a fatal car accident. It was really bad, like something from a Quentin Tarantino movie.

At any rate, they soon found themselves standing in front of the pearly gates of heaven staring at St. Peter himself. Upset, but wanting to make the best of a bad situation, the woman asks St. Peter if the can get married in Heaven, since they couldn’t before they died.

“Wow,” he said, “that’s the first time in all of eternity anyone has ever asked me that. I’ll go check!”

St. Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven JokeSo, for what seemed like an eternity, St. Peter was gone. Innumerable amounts of people were backing up the line at the gates of heaven. He was gone for so long, the young couple began having doubts as to whether they really wanted to be with each other for all of eternity.

Just when they were about to give up hope, St. Peter finally returned. “Good news! Looks like we can make this happen!” he said with an exhausted smile.

“Great!” replied the young man, “but before we go through with it, we were wondering… what if it doesn’t work out? Can we get a divorce in heaven?”

“Holy cow!” gasped St. Peter. “It took me four months to find a priest up here, do you have any idea how long it would take to find a lawyer?”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Cars In Heaven

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Dec 302013
 
Rubber Chicken Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first man if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.

The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a mid-sized car.

The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.

A week later, the three guys met in a parking lot in heaven. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.

“What’s the matter?” the other two men asked.

He replied, “I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Completely Gone

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Dec 272013
 
Rubber Chicken A man took his wife to the doctors.

After a short examination the doctor said “Your wife’s mind has completely gone!”

To which the man replied “I’m not surprised. She’s been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!”

 

 

Joke Of The Day: You Can Never Really Go Back

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Dec 182013
 

Rubber ChickenThere was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied, “Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“Hmmm,” the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago this morning.”

“Well,” Granny snickered, “What do you say…should we?”

Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

“You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you now as they were fifty years ago.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One’s in your coffee and the other one’s in you oatmeal!”